general fuzz

Things that are surprising:

• I knew there were going to be three baby states: sleeping, crying, and eating. I didn’t know about the mystical fourth state: aware. Jasper’s wide awake, eyes roaming, quietly taking everything in. Well, actually, he’s probably taking nothing in, but it’s real cute and unexpected. Occasionally there’s hiccups. Bonus.
  
• Newborn eyes do freaking crazy things. The roll around in a way that doesn’t imply brilliance. His eyelids seem almost double jointed.
  
• How not complicated he is. He’s a really sweet little guy. He really doesn’t cry all that much, and when he does he’s relatively easy to sooth. We are extremely lucky right now. I know this could change at the drop of a hat, so I’m really not taking it for granted.
  
• Time passes differently. It sorta seeps and glides by. We’re using formula while we determine if Stina’s breast milk will come in, so I play an active part in the feeding. Feeding can easily take an hour and a half. Its a whole process. It doesn’t feel like a long time though. I just look up at the clock, and find that an hour or two has slipped by.
  
• Many times during the pregnancy I would bemoan how we wouldn’t sleep, have fun, etc after the baby came. About two months ago Stina smartly said it was time we stopped bitching about the future since it wasn’t doing us any good. Instead we should talk about what we were looking forward to. For some reason (possibly because she was 7 month pregnant) that advice didn’t just pass over me. A switch flipped in my head, and I became rather Zen about our daily experience. I started appreciating every day that I had when I had no responsibilities. Somehow, magically, post birth, I’m still doing it. I’m not worried about the future – I’m really enjoying the present moment. This is fantastic, and rather surprising.
  
• Conversely, Stina’s not sleeping nearly enough. She’s really anxious about the baby. She’s hit several walls already. There’s all sorta of crazy stuff going on in her body, she’s got a lot of healing to do from the birth, and there’s an inflow of postpartum hormones.  I know we’ll get through this. Its good that I’m feeling so stable right now, so she can completely lean on me as much as she wants. I’m sure the tables will turn down the line.
  

Things that are not surprising:

• Mama Rudden, our savior, arrived on Tuesday afternoon. The relief in the air is palpable. She cooking up a storm and being terribly helpful. Three of us can totally tackle caring for the baby.
  
• There’s a non-rhythmic cycle for feeding. Rooting -> sloppy eating -> passing out -> burping -> checking/changing diapers -> crying -> rooting, with many variations on a theme. When Jasper passes out for a solid ten minutes, we’re done. At least for ten minutes.
  
• I’m learning to sleep at anytime of the day. The sun just sorta glides up and down. The day/night barrier is much less distinct. Its a weird feeling. I wish we had a better view from our place to watch the sunrise.
  
• I think one of the advantages of being older is that I’m actually aware that these moments are fleeting and that I should treasure them. This is much more useful then people telling me this truth. Having Jasper gently sleeping on top of me is rather precious. It’s even better than a cat. Especially cause I’m allergic to cats.
  
• I don’t feel like a father yet. It’s like I’m at newborn training camp, and I’ll go home at the end of the week. Maybe it’ll sink in when I don’t.
  
• I enjoy hand comparison pictures. Eat it.

Oh, also, as an aside, all militant breast milk advocates can go to hell. I’m down with non-militant ones though. I’d totally party with them. All night long. Especially if they brought their boobs, which seems highly likely. There are advantages to having low expectations. Booyeah!